Monday 31 August 2015

I'm 24 and I am still a waitress. Here's why that's okay.






Like many of my friends, I am firmly nestled into my 'mid twenties'. When I was younger I imagined this age to be one of contentment, success and self assurance. I imagined I would have nurtured a passion and be working in that area, feeling my skills were being positively put to use. The reality has been a few years of not knowing what I really want to do with my career, flitting from one idea to another in a matter of days.
I was sure I wanted to be a journalist, I was sure I wanted to work in charity public relations, I was sure I wanted to become an author. Then I was really sure I didn't want to work in an office. So then I was sure I wanted to crew on fishing boats, then I was sure I wanted to crew on super yachts, then I was sure I wanted to go back to Australia. Now I'm sure I still need time to figure it out.

Life in your twenties, for many of us, is a time of comparing ourselves with our peers or old school friends. It's a time of feeling you aren't good enough, assuming the fact that we are living in a job crisis has nothing to do with the fact that we can't get a foot up in our careers. It is a time of parents and grandparents asking you painful questions about your 'plan'. It's a time of thinking you should have a plan, but not having a fucking clue on where that plan begins or ends or what to put in it.

I have worried endlessly about the fact that I am still primarily a waitress. I have cried and ached and beaten myself down about the fact that all of my university friends are moving on in their careers, while I still dream of living on a boat for a year, or building a self sufficient home in the woods somewhere. I am so proud of everyone I know who has worked so hard to build themselves a living, but I can't help feeling my path will never lead to where they are.

Then something weird happened. I went for tea with an old friend, who landed a job straight out of university in a prominent company. Four years on and he has been offered a five year contract and a promotion. I always felt that he might think of me as a floater, an underachiever, a  'lost soul'  (a phrase that regretfully, has been attributed to me a few times recently), but instead, when we got talking about life and catching up on lost time, he told me how he was jealous of my life. How he worried that he wouldn't be able to travel and explore and act on impulse like I can. He spoke of how I had traveled and asked me what I'd learned. He told me of his dreams, and how his amazing career-that he loves, by the way- might get in the way of those dreams.

It was refreshing to find that the person I thought had everything under control in his mid twenties, also felt a little lost, as though he might be missing some incredible adventure by being successful early on. Since then I have relaxed a little, making a conscious effort not to be too hard on myself just because I don't know what I want to do, and don't want to settle for something I'm not sure about.

I should also mention here my housemate and oldest friend. She is unfailingly the biggest advocate for 'just being happy' in my life. She is living proof that letting go of your insecurities and paranoia about what you should be doing, will fulfill you tenfold more than taking the road most traveled. Having her around has been the best thing that could have happened to me this Summer.

I am a person of extremes at times. When I love, I give everything, every last ounce of my being. When I want to do something I will go above and beyond to make it happen. I believe in being passionate, in doing nothing by halves. This time, with a little inspiration from some friends, I'm working on what makes me happy right now. I'm working on keeping the people I love around me, and letting go of those who don't bring me happiness anymore. I'm looking at my options and putting together teeny tiny pieces of my puzzle. And with every little thing I do to enhance my own happiness, with every moment that I brush aside other peoples expectations and my own pressures on myself, I see  the full picture a little more clearly.

Yes, I am still a waitress at 24. Yes I earn minimum wage and sleep in a single bed. Yes I still feel a little lost sometimes. But I'm getting there, and being okay with my less-than-impressive lifestyle makes me happier than I could have hoped.  I can still walk the dog in the woods, I can still swim in the sea- my favourite thing
in the world, I can still camp in a friends van and wake up to the sound of hammering rain on the roof, I can still dance to music and sing as loud as I like, I can still love my family and make my friends laugh, I am still learning every day. When you think about it like that, I'm having a pretty good time in my 'quarter life crisis'.

All for now
JoJo 
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