Other times they are a lot harder to figure out. Especially when it comes down to you knowing what you want.
These types of decisions can really eat you up inside, churning around in your stomach and your head, pulling at loose fibres of doubt and worry as they go, collecting together and becoming a much bigger beast than you initially suspected them to be. Outsiders may see your decision as straightforward or obvious, but to you it can be a colossal web of dependencies and variables.
I can be my own worst enemy when it comes to these sorts of decisions - the ones that are big but should be fairly simple- my brain works at double speed at the best of times, add a decision and you can at least triple that. I end up looking so far inside my mind that I can't see anything any more, just fuzz.
I am currently faced with a few big decisions. People would suggest I do what makes me happy, but that is ignorance at it's pinnacle. There are always external factors to consider: family, friends and career being just a few. If you fail to consider these factors then you are a selfish, morally bankrupt human being and deserve to be alone and unloved.
I had some advice yesterday, which was to think about the decision for a minute, then forget about it and let my conciousness do the work. I'm finding it hard though - I'm feeling the pressure and weight of it on my back, the niggling scratch of it on my mind and the pressure on the delicate glass of my heart.
I have made decisions in my life that I thought were astronomically important, but these seem to shrink them down to the size of quails eggs in comparison. Maybe I'm magnifying it beyond what is necessary.
I guess I'm very aware of how much of myself I am putting in the line up : my heart, my pride, my glorious naivety to "world-crashing-down-around-me" type feelings. I'm also aware of who else will feel the repercussions of my decisions. That's probably the half of it.
But maybe this is all part of life's cycle, maybe this is a right of passage of becoming a grown-up.
I've never been a scaredy-cat. Never once. But I feel like one right now.
That's all for now, JoJo xxx
